So my weekend was really eventful needless to say. I say eventful because there was some good times and some bad, but mainly good times happened. So I think to tell it I will go day by day.
FRIDAY:
So Friday I was told to go get my filter from surgery removed. I felt like everything was finally done and I could go back to getting my life back on track. I went in at nine in the morning checked in and went to ultrasound. My ultrasound technician sort of made me feel uncomfortable while examining me because first he sounded as though everything looked great, then would sound like it wasn't and get really quiet. I had the feeling I knew what was happening and I didn't like it, but tried to stay positive. He took me to Interventional Radiology and they had me strip down and change into a Johnnie. I looked in the small mirror they had in the room and told myself this is it, after this you are done and you can continue with life they way you were. I was more excited than scared at this point. Unfortunately, they fell behind schedule with the stupid procedures so I had to wait a bit of time before they could do mine. When I got into the procedure room I started getting nervous and scared however, they sedated me so I don't remember much. I remember they took a picture of the filter and told me I had a blood clot in my filter and they could not remove it. I was a mixture of emotions. If that filter was not placed in, I could potentially be dead right now. This blog wouldn't even be able to be written. They told me not to worry and with blood thinners the clot will dissolve. So they placed me on a blood thinner. Now getting things in mid-afternoon on a Friday is really hard to do. So I had to go to the E.R. to receive the first dose while I went to fill the prescription. I was in a lot of pain, I was confused about everything, anxious, and not feeling well because I have not really eaten or drunken anything that day, the disorganization of the what if's was not my friend that day. So at six that evening I was in the E.R. fighting with the admitting nurse to let me get my shot so I could go home and sleep. The nurse at the office told me she was informed of everything and she would give me it with no problem. I was so annoyed, my tiredness was the only thing stopping me from choking her out. I had to undergo blood tests and then wait for them to come back, unluckily I had my own room to wait in, so it was not so bad at all. The nurse came in with the shot and some pills. I am not suppose to take pills due to surgery, however she was not going to discharge me until I had taken the pills. So I took them and hoped everything would be alright. She gave me the shots, WHICH KILL, and sent me on my way with the prescriptions. I felt like I was going to collapse, and I have no clue why. My neck was sore and stiff and I just wanted to go and sleep. I went to CVS with my friend and filled out my prescriptions, I personally thought it was going to be a pain in the butt to do but it wasn't, it was ready in like 10 minutes, I was thrilled. My friend and I went home rested for a while then went to get some dinner and then went and got some flip-flops that were a dollar. When I came home I shaved my friend's head and gave her a mohawk (only because I couldn't convince her not to get one) ate a little bit then crashed.
SATURDAY:
I woke up at nine to give myself my shot only to find one cat puked and the other one pooped.After cleaning up everything and eating some breakfast, I then decided to dye my hair red. After about a half hour of waiting I rinsed my hair out and thought it didn't dye only to see I had really nice red tinted streaks. I couldn't complain. I showered and got ready to go out with some friends, which is what I really needed after a bad day prior to this one. We went to Lowell (we being me and two other friends) to hang with some friends.I didn't think I would have as much fun as I did, but it was a blast. We went to a new restaurant called TreMonte Pizzeria. And folks it is HARD to go out and try to order while you know the stuff on the menu will either make you sick or you just wouldn't be able to finish it all. I ended up just ordering an appetizer that I knew I could eat with no problems. The food looked delicious. And I was glad I got to experience it all with my friends. We then joined up with some other friends and decided to play the game Cards Against Humanity. It was so much fun. I didn't win, though we stopped half way through the game, so there wasn't really a winner. We then went to Wings, a chicken place, for dinner. The menu looked like there was just so much food, I decided to share my food with my friend who was also not that hungry. Then the BEST stop of the day was going to the one place I had always wanted to go to, Brewed Awakenin, I felt like a child who wanted to go to Disney and finally got to go. I had the Fruit Medley Iced Tea with Honey. It tasted a little like cough syrup but not in a bad way, then I ate a ton of ice. We sat there and talked and danced and hung out for a bit until we were invited to another friend's dorm room. When we got there we watched the Bruins game and joked around and just had some fun talking and catching up in life. When we all went home, I was so tired I just couldn't think of anything else but sleeping.
SUNDAY:
Woke up. Did Shot. Got ready for GRADUATION PARTY. Not mine however, my best friend's party. She had a lot of people there that I didn't know, but once the ice was broken I did not mind the company at all. It is hard to write about today because it was a very fast pace kind of day. Lots of guitar playing, food, people catching up in life, football games in the yard, and that is about it. I mean it wasn't a typical grad party, but who has those anymore. I know my friends don't. So yeah when I came home I felt the need to blog about my weekend, HOWEVER, it is getting late. So with that said I wish you a good night and will have another blog out tomorrow. I am sorry Sunday doesn't seem eventful but I promise you it was. I am just really tired so I quickly summed it up. Anyways, I have work tomorrow, and I am tired. So please my fellow readers remember to always...Stay Beautiful. Good Night. :-)
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
DOWN SIXTY-ONE!!!
Yes folks I have lost a total of 61 Pounds. I feel GREAT! NOT because of looks or anything but because I FEEL fantastic. I don't feel tired as often, or as lazy as I was before. I would like to take a minute to talk about the emails I have been receiving.
First off I would like to thank everyone who is taking the time to write me about my blog. I feel like I have already accomplished my overall goal in helping people. HOWEVER, people are emailing my business email and seeing I feel obligated to read emails and respond it is pulling time away from my work. So I came up with an idea so we can all be happy. I have decided to give you all an email spot where you can write whatever you would like about my blog and on the weekends I will read and write back. The address is mybattlethroughthepounds@gmail.com. You can write me stories, topics you would like me to talk about or whatever. I don't care I will read and respond to them all.
Secondly I would like to respond to the anonymous hate mail I keep receiving. Unfortunately I can not respond to them via email HOWEVER seeing they wrote me about the blog it would seem they are readers of my blog. Well I will say I DON'T CARE about your negative attitude for what I do in MY life. Yes, I am battling weight loss. Yes, a lot of people are known to gain weight back but I can assure you I WILL NOT be one of those people. Another thing that was said in the hate mail is "fat people ruin the economy"...well I believe it is your stupidity that is ruining the economy. A lot of people say the hate mail is bad or I should report it, but in all honesty I don't care. They are taking time out of their life to read my blog and write me an e-mail ANONYMOUSLY mind you about how much they dislike me. Well, I am gaining more from my writing than from their messages. Besides as celebrities say "All publicity is good publicity." It works the same for page views for my blog. So Thank You muchly.
Anyways I feel my blog is doing wonderful, I wish I could find time to write more because a lot of the time I do have A LOT on my mind that I would like to get out and talk about however by the time I get home I don't really remember what I wanted to say. So I started bringing a notebook with me everywhere. Today I went for a walk with my friend to a great frozen yogurt place and had some raspberry and lime froyo. It was delicious, we started to walk back after eating and I began to realize the complications of the surgery. I felt crampy and bloated, so we had to stop a few times. When we got home I was sweating as though I ran a marathon so I took a shower and did my hair and rested. So now that I am feeling better I am writing my blog. I feel writing at least weekly is good to catch people up on my life. I have been going to a bunch of graduations and I look back on my life and really glad I am out of high school. I don't miss high school, however I truly miss my friends from high school. I have been thinking once I am done with this whole experience, like down to my goal weight, I should have a "Birthday Party" where I show everyone the new me. I think I should do that. Show everyone that I could do it and that I will continue to do it.
Anyways again thank you for the emails. Thank you for reading and celebrating my triumphs. Good Night and Remember My Lovely Readers Stay Beautiful.
First off I would like to thank everyone who is taking the time to write me about my blog. I feel like I have already accomplished my overall goal in helping people. HOWEVER, people are emailing my business email and seeing I feel obligated to read emails and respond it is pulling time away from my work. So I came up with an idea so we can all be happy. I have decided to give you all an email spot where you can write whatever you would like about my blog and on the weekends I will read and write back. The address is mybattlethroughthepounds@gmail.com. You can write me stories, topics you would like me to talk about or whatever. I don't care I will read and respond to them all.
Secondly I would like to respond to the anonymous hate mail I keep receiving. Unfortunately I can not respond to them via email HOWEVER seeing they wrote me about the blog it would seem they are readers of my blog. Well I will say I DON'T CARE about your negative attitude for what I do in MY life. Yes, I am battling weight loss. Yes, a lot of people are known to gain weight back but I can assure you I WILL NOT be one of those people. Another thing that was said in the hate mail is "fat people ruin the economy"...well I believe it is your stupidity that is ruining the economy. A lot of people say the hate mail is bad or I should report it, but in all honesty I don't care. They are taking time out of their life to read my blog and write me an e-mail ANONYMOUSLY mind you about how much they dislike me. Well, I am gaining more from my writing than from their messages. Besides as celebrities say "All publicity is good publicity." It works the same for page views for my blog. So Thank You muchly.
Anyways I feel my blog is doing wonderful, I wish I could find time to write more because a lot of the time I do have A LOT on my mind that I would like to get out and talk about however by the time I get home I don't really remember what I wanted to say. So I started bringing a notebook with me everywhere. Today I went for a walk with my friend to a great frozen yogurt place and had some raspberry and lime froyo. It was delicious, we started to walk back after eating and I began to realize the complications of the surgery. I felt crampy and bloated, so we had to stop a few times. When we got home I was sweating as though I ran a marathon so I took a shower and did my hair and rested. So now that I am feeling better I am writing my blog. I feel writing at least weekly is good to catch people up on my life. I have been going to a bunch of graduations and I look back on my life and really glad I am out of high school. I don't miss high school, however I truly miss my friends from high school. I have been thinking once I am done with this whole experience, like down to my goal weight, I should have a "Birthday Party" where I show everyone the new me. I think I should do that. Show everyone that I could do it and that I will continue to do it.
Anyways again thank you for the emails. Thank you for reading and celebrating my triumphs. Good Night and Remember My Lovely Readers Stay Beautiful.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Those Were Some Enjoyable Burpees...Said No One Ever.
Okay so from the title I am sure you all have figured out this blog is about...you guessed it...EXERCISE! Well if you are surprised that a weight loss blog is going to have exercise in any blog maybe you should look into what it takes to lose weight.
Anyways I have finally came full circle and started working out again, YAY!! Before, I was one of those people who would consider getting out of bed the daily exercise and if stairs were involved in my day I was "lucky" I got some cardio. HOWEVER, I am no longer like that. I will say it is SO hard to get back into wanting to work out again. I feel like I want to punch someone in the face every-time they ask "do you feel the burn?" As my friend has pointed out no you don't feel that until the next day what you feel the day of doing a workout is the feeling of having a heart attack. Well trust me when I say this folks, day one is the bad day, day two is still bad but not too much, day three it will feel a little easier and after day three you can do it. I would recommend starting with basics like I did. Nothing too hard, the harder it is the less likely it will be for you to go back to it.
The exercises I decided to try are dancing, jump roping, running and weights, they are toning weights so nothing more than five pounds. I start by running. Now I am not doing a full blown run, it is more like a light jog right now but I am working my way up. I started by jogging or brisk walking home from the train station. When I come home I do some jump roping then I go into the weights and dancing then I stretch out. I won't lie it was hard to get into the swing of things at first but I was doing it for my health.
My tip to people is DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY. Even if it is a walk to your friend's house or biking to the lake or stone collecting. Even housework and gardening is considered a workout now. So find something that is fun. Another thing, don't it for vanity reasons do it because you want to be healthy and live a long and great life. I use to work out for vanity issues and that didn't go anywhere. I love working out now because I know the health benefits and I know it gets easier as I go.
Another recommendation would be to set some short term goals and some long term. Some short term would be lose 10 pounds by next month. Or be able to run a mile. Long term would be like run the Boston Marathon in 5 years. I post my goals places I know they will be safe and I will see them everyday. Your goals can seem stupid to one person but that doesn't matter. They are something you want to accomplish throughout your life. Don't let anyone tear you down. Stay strong and move on. It will happen if you believe in it.
Anyways I will blog more after the Bruins game. I love Boston Teams. I am a DIE HARD Bostonian so yeah. I Have said all I wanted to say today about exercise. I feel tonight may come another deep confessions type post. Anyways if I don't blog again tonight I will tomorrow. GO BRUINS! And Remember Stay Beautiful!!!
Anyways I have finally came full circle and started working out again, YAY!! Before, I was one of those people who would consider getting out of bed the daily exercise and if stairs were involved in my day I was "lucky" I got some cardio. HOWEVER, I am no longer like that. I will say it is SO hard to get back into wanting to work out again. I feel like I want to punch someone in the face every-time they ask "do you feel the burn?" As my friend has pointed out no you don't feel that until the next day what you feel the day of doing a workout is the feeling of having a heart attack. Well trust me when I say this folks, day one is the bad day, day two is still bad but not too much, day three it will feel a little easier and after day three you can do it. I would recommend starting with basics like I did. Nothing too hard, the harder it is the less likely it will be for you to go back to it.
The exercises I decided to try are dancing, jump roping, running and weights, they are toning weights so nothing more than five pounds. I start by running. Now I am not doing a full blown run, it is more like a light jog right now but I am working my way up. I started by jogging or brisk walking home from the train station. When I come home I do some jump roping then I go into the weights and dancing then I stretch out. I won't lie it was hard to get into the swing of things at first but I was doing it for my health.
My tip to people is DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY. Even if it is a walk to your friend's house or biking to the lake or stone collecting. Even housework and gardening is considered a workout now. So find something that is fun. Another thing, don't it for vanity reasons do it because you want to be healthy and live a long and great life. I use to work out for vanity issues and that didn't go anywhere. I love working out now because I know the health benefits and I know it gets easier as I go.
Another recommendation would be to set some short term goals and some long term. Some short term would be lose 10 pounds by next month. Or be able to run a mile. Long term would be like run the Boston Marathon in 5 years. I post my goals places I know they will be safe and I will see them everyday. Your goals can seem stupid to one person but that doesn't matter. They are something you want to accomplish throughout your life. Don't let anyone tear you down. Stay strong and move on. It will happen if you believe in it.
Anyways I will blog more after the Bruins game. I love Boston Teams. I am a DIE HARD Bostonian so yeah. I Have said all I wanted to say today about exercise. I feel tonight may come another deep confessions type post. Anyways if I don't blog again tonight I will tomorrow. GO BRUINS! And Remember Stay Beautiful!!!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Post Gone Bad...I guess I had a few emotions about the subject!
Okay so seeing this blog is about battling weight loss and I haven't really spoken too much about it I have decided I am going to talk about the issues of being a young adult and trying to lose weight.
So everyone knows that as an American young adult (includes, adolescents, teens, college students) your diet is far from healthy as it can get. There is a lot of socializing and with that comes food. Food like fries, ice cream sundaes, candy, fried dough, pizza, etc. Well let me tell you all something...IT IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE FOR A YOUNG ADULT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND NOT BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST! I know from experience. No one wants to hang with the kid who has to eat a salad while the friends are eating like a double cheeseburger with extra bacon. In America diets have such a negative impact in the world. I remember in high school my biology teacher asked me what my diet was and I thought she was calling me fat she then explained to us in the science fields diet isn't like I am going to have some water and salad it is what you eat. Like a low sodium diet isn't saying you have high cholesterol it is saying you don't want all that salt. I feel if America turned the negativity away from "dieting" and STOP coming up with ridiculously UNSAFE fad diets and just removed the garbage from the over processed food or oh here is a good idea GET OFF OUR GLUTEUS MAXIMUS AND COOK RATHER THAN ORDER FOOD OFF OUR COMPUTER OR WHATEVER! We would be fine. I understand occasionally there are times you don't want to cook then don't cook. Eat left overs. The benefits you will soon see is the weight you lost your wallet quickly gains. YAY!
Anyways this isn't about America as a whole it is about the Young Adults. Well I blame well all active parties in a young adults life. I am sorry parents you are somewhat part of that as well although not completely. I mainly blame schools.Well I can't blame schools right now I am going to start at the top and work down. In 2011 Congress issued a bill declaring pizza is a vegetable so it can stay a main part of school lunches. Are you kidding me? Pizza...the thing that doctors want you to stay away from is now a "vegetable". So now we have all these people with high cholesterol running around stating they "eat their vegetables" well SHAME ON YOU CONGRESS! Shame on you for not caring about the health of America's future and shame on you for making pizza a vegetable. Anyways I will continue back to schools. Through the year's as I went through school and seen my brothers go through school I have looked at the menu and even though they are trying to get better the menu is carbs on top of carbs. Sure they will give you some fish if that is what you want to call it but it is CAKED in bread crumbs and I want to say fried even though they are "baking" everything now but then with the fish comes corn, mashed potatoes or tater tots some fruit juice, and milk. Well, there isn't any nutrients in all of that, its just filling to make the children not complain for about the next 2 hours or so. In high school it is even worse. You have burgers, pizza, sandwiches, fried chicken, etc. I mean I was lucky and had a salad bar in my high school, but I will be honest no one really used it but the teachers and the popular girls who were constantly on fad diets. Anyways I understand schools have a budget for food but they are not helping the budget of obesity in America for young adults. The next thing I want to hit is the removal of Health Class. My generation was probably only lucky enough to have it in Middle School. But playing dodge ball everyday isn't going to teach me how to eat right so I can stay full and active like when I am in gym class. Some children's parents don't know this stuff and so it is important they get the info somewhere. Now I am not saying go into full detail with each child and create a meal plan I am saying start the education in kindergarten so they adapt the proper eating and will grow happy and healthy. The next on my blame list is unfortunately parents. Now I know you can't control little Timmy from buy $20 worth of crap at the corner store with his friends and eating it before he gets home, however YOU control what comes into the house. If you aren't buying fruits and vegetables and meat to cook, but instead overly processed food like frozen mac & cheese dinner or hamburger helper or whatever else they sell to a working mother then SHAME ON YOU! I am sorry but little Timmy shouldn't eat that on a daily or weekly basis. I know cooking is draining, time consuming and not many want to do it. HOWEVER if you plan and prep it will be so much easier on you and Timmy won't have junk on top of junk and maybe see his 25th birthday. In the frozen dinners and prepared meals are TONS of sodium and other things our body DOES NOT need. Next time you go to buy something just glance at the nutritional facts, trust me you will put it down and make it yourself. I know from experience while living with my grandmother we ate already prepared food 2 times the entire time everything else was home made and I felt so much better. I lost 30 pounds without even really trying, I wasn't as tired, and to top it off I felt the energy I had when I was a small child.
Anyways I don't mean to attack everyone I did. Being a young adult and trying to lose weight is really hard. You are most likely still with your parents so you can't really bring in what you would like, but you can ask your parents if they could get some stuff for you, I am sure they won't decline the offer. When I reached college I started bringing my own lunch to school. I was tired of the unsatisfying food they had. Some people don't have that option so I would say pick from the best thing there. Break your food down. If you can't choose healthy because everything is garbage don't eat all of it. Listen to your body it will say when it is full. Also America START COOKING THEY HAVE SLOW COOKERS FOR A REASON!!! I can not emphasize the cooking I can't.
Anyways this was going to be a good post and sort of turned into a rant with how ridiculous everything is becoming so I apologize. Since this is yesterdays blog I am not cheating you out of today's blog and will do that when I come home. I love you guys. And please remember Stay Beautiful.
So everyone knows that as an American young adult (includes, adolescents, teens, college students) your diet is far from healthy as it can get. There is a lot of socializing and with that comes food. Food like fries, ice cream sundaes, candy, fried dough, pizza, etc. Well let me tell you all something...IT IS NEAR IMPOSSIBLE FOR A YOUNG ADULT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND NOT BE A SOCIAL OUTCAST! I know from experience. No one wants to hang with the kid who has to eat a salad while the friends are eating like a double cheeseburger with extra bacon. In America diets have such a negative impact in the world. I remember in high school my biology teacher asked me what my diet was and I thought she was calling me fat she then explained to us in the science fields diet isn't like I am going to have some water and salad it is what you eat. Like a low sodium diet isn't saying you have high cholesterol it is saying you don't want all that salt. I feel if America turned the negativity away from "dieting" and STOP coming up with ridiculously UNSAFE fad diets and just removed the garbage from the over processed food or oh here is a good idea GET OFF OUR GLUTEUS MAXIMUS AND COOK RATHER THAN ORDER FOOD OFF OUR COMPUTER OR WHATEVER! We would be fine. I understand occasionally there are times you don't want to cook then don't cook. Eat left overs. The benefits you will soon see is the weight you lost your wallet quickly gains. YAY!
Anyways this isn't about America as a whole it is about the Young Adults. Well I blame well all active parties in a young adults life. I am sorry parents you are somewhat part of that as well although not completely. I mainly blame schools.Well I can't blame schools right now I am going to start at the top and work down. In 2011 Congress issued a bill declaring pizza is a vegetable so it can stay a main part of school lunches. Are you kidding me? Pizza...the thing that doctors want you to stay away from is now a "vegetable". So now we have all these people with high cholesterol running around stating they "eat their vegetables" well SHAME ON YOU CONGRESS! Shame on you for not caring about the health of America's future and shame on you for making pizza a vegetable. Anyways I will continue back to schools. Through the year's as I went through school and seen my brothers go through school I have looked at the menu and even though they are trying to get better the menu is carbs on top of carbs. Sure they will give you some fish if that is what you want to call it but it is CAKED in bread crumbs and I want to say fried even though they are "baking" everything now but then with the fish comes corn, mashed potatoes or tater tots some fruit juice, and milk. Well, there isn't any nutrients in all of that, its just filling to make the children not complain for about the next 2 hours or so. In high school it is even worse. You have burgers, pizza, sandwiches, fried chicken, etc. I mean I was lucky and had a salad bar in my high school, but I will be honest no one really used it but the teachers and the popular girls who were constantly on fad diets. Anyways I understand schools have a budget for food but they are not helping the budget of obesity in America for young adults. The next thing I want to hit is the removal of Health Class. My generation was probably only lucky enough to have it in Middle School. But playing dodge ball everyday isn't going to teach me how to eat right so I can stay full and active like when I am in gym class. Some children's parents don't know this stuff and so it is important they get the info somewhere. Now I am not saying go into full detail with each child and create a meal plan I am saying start the education in kindergarten so they adapt the proper eating and will grow happy and healthy. The next on my blame list is unfortunately parents. Now I know you can't control little Timmy from buy $20 worth of crap at the corner store with his friends and eating it before he gets home, however YOU control what comes into the house. If you aren't buying fruits and vegetables and meat to cook, but instead overly processed food like frozen mac & cheese dinner or hamburger helper or whatever else they sell to a working mother then SHAME ON YOU! I am sorry but little Timmy shouldn't eat that on a daily or weekly basis. I know cooking is draining, time consuming and not many want to do it. HOWEVER if you plan and prep it will be so much easier on you and Timmy won't have junk on top of junk and maybe see his 25th birthday. In the frozen dinners and prepared meals are TONS of sodium and other things our body DOES NOT need. Next time you go to buy something just glance at the nutritional facts, trust me you will put it down and make it yourself. I know from experience while living with my grandmother we ate already prepared food 2 times the entire time everything else was home made and I felt so much better. I lost 30 pounds without even really trying, I wasn't as tired, and to top it off I felt the energy I had when I was a small child.
Anyways I don't mean to attack everyone I did. Being a young adult and trying to lose weight is really hard. You are most likely still with your parents so you can't really bring in what you would like, but you can ask your parents if they could get some stuff for you, I am sure they won't decline the offer. When I reached college I started bringing my own lunch to school. I was tired of the unsatisfying food they had. Some people don't have that option so I would say pick from the best thing there. Break your food down. If you can't choose healthy because everything is garbage don't eat all of it. Listen to your body it will say when it is full. Also America START COOKING THEY HAVE SLOW COOKERS FOR A REASON!!! I can not emphasize the cooking I can't.
Anyways this was going to be a good post and sort of turned into a rant with how ridiculous everything is becoming so I apologize. Since this is yesterdays blog I am not cheating you out of today's blog and will do that when I come home. I love you guys. And please remember Stay Beautiful.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Deep Confessions Time
So I feel that I should do a deep confessions blog because, well this blog is about a whole new me and what better way to have a whole new me than to tell you the reasons I did weight loss surgery, well the mental reasons anyways.
So I have been on the bigger side of the scale since I can remember, I didn't really have friends until about age 11. I always new I was bigger but it didn't bother me until about first grade. I will never forget the day. We were at lunch waiting in line when one of the girls in the line was picking one me like kids do. I just ignored her as best as I could until she started calling me a fat-so and other non-creative fat names. The other kids in line started laughing so I went to the lunch mother and reported her (the child) to the woman. Now as a lunch mother your job is to make sure during lunch the children feel safe, and happy and stay in line while eating and socializing. Well, she didn't yell at the girl but instead yelled at me saying the words that will forever be ingrained in the back of my head "So what, you are fat, and will probably always be fat you need to deal with it." THAT IS WHAT YOU TELL A SIX YEAR OLD!! DEAL WITH THE BULLYING!! And smile while the other kids are laughing at the remark you made. In all honesty after that all the fat jokes in the world did not hurt me as much as that did. I wanted to disappear, shrivel up inside and just be invisible. I didn't talk to anyone that lunchtime, or eat. How could you when the person watching you eat just called you fat. The other girl who was originally picking on me apologized before we went back to class and said that the lunch mother was mean. I laughed how could someone who was being mean to you call another person mean. As I grew up I learned to laugh at the fat jokes because clearly every weight loss plan under the sun was not working for me in some way. I would do great losing weight then plateau after about 20 or 30 pounds. Some weight loss plans I didn't even lose weight. I learned if I couldn't be "beautiful" on the outside I would have to be "beautiful" on the inside.
Middle school was probably about the worst three years of my life. My "friends" I had I later figured out weren't really my "friends" I was around for them to pick on. A mere scapegoat for their issues in life. I didn't care though because I was hanging with the crowd everyone wanted to hang with. So even though I was hurting I was happy. Eventually their "friendship" started wearing thin and I felt like I was losing them so as bad as it sounds I would steal money from my parents and pay for things for them. And again I started to be their "friend". Now most of you are probably like what is a few $5 here or there. It wasn't $5 or $6 at a time, but $20 or $40 or a few times even more. I didn't care about the trouble I got into at home. I had "friends" who I thought cared about me and respected me for who I was. I realized it wasn't the case on my 12th birthday. All my other birthdays people went to, they were places similar to Chuck E Cheese. My 12th birthday was going to be simple at home and have some cake, ice cream, pizza and dancing and a pinata. My friend who didn't show up because she was really sick, but came the next day with a present, made out all the invitations and handed them out to everyone. I had about 16 invitations made...not a single person showed up. A week or two after the party everyone asked if I can go hang out, I said no because I was still hurt, I didn't get a happy belated birthday NOTHING from the group I thought were my best friends. Mind you when it came to their birthday I would go out of my way to make sure they were happy with a nice present, and a card and sometimes even money in the card. I don't care if I got presents, they are nice but I didn't want that, I wanted a "hey I am so sorry I missed you're party, I hope it was good." or "happy belated birthday girl! hope you had a blast." SOMETHING, ANYTHING! But that wasn't the case. I asked them why did every single one of them missed my party and they all looked at each other as if to say what party. Then they all made up their excuses and said bye since I didn't want to go out. I played it off to everyone as though I didn't care but I don't think I fooled anyone.
I decided I wasn't going to continue high school with people that didn't care for me anyways so my mom and I started looking at other high schools. My mom found a nice vocational school for me to go to in a completely different town. We went to go see the high school and I was so happy with it. The day I got my acceptance letter from them was the happiest day ever. I went to the school and felt like I had a clean slate for new friends and a new life. My freshman year was grand, my grades were not the best but I was getting use to everything. It seemed in this school when the English teacher had us write an essay on why we came to that school everyone else was similar to me in that they were bullied at their old school, or they didn't have friends, or whatever the case was. I felt like if anyone would understand my pain of no friends it would be the students of this school. Unfortunately, I had to stay back a year sophomore year because my grades slipped from me getting involved in too much. So, I backed out of those things went to focus on school and my grandmother got sick and unfortunately passed away. I went into a huge depression. I felt I had lost what I felt was my only true friend. I didn't care about anything. School, friends, myself, nothing at all. The depression and weight gain increased and turned into a vicious cycle. I thought about suicide on a daily basis, sometimes even two or three times a day. I started to hate my shop teachers with a passion, I found no joy in going to school. The only little joy I had in the world was my music. I decided to switch shops, if I had to stay back again I WAS NOT doing it in the same shop as before. In my other shop I had a few friends who were a grade ahead and behind so I saw them in homeroom. I started feeling numb even listening to music, so I started cutting. Not because I wanted to die like everyone believes but because I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel the love my family gave me, or the pain of people who disliked me. NOTHING, I was hollow. I started to intentionally make my parents mad. I didn't care. I would do anything and everything to make them angry, I guess I wanted someone else to feel the way I felt. My third sophomore year I got a huge infection, no one to this day knows why it happened. Just the doctors wrote it off that I am fat and need to lose weight. The infections would come back almost every two or three weeks. I became even more depressed, I finally start doing amazingly well in school and now I have this sickness holding me back. My family and everyone was worried about my sickness, I was worried about school. I didn't give two shits if my leg would fall off I WAS NOT staying back a fourth time. My guidance counselor pulled A LOT of strings to make sure I was able to move forward, and I was. Junior and Senior year I still had the infections because no one would truly listen to me about everything that happened before my ailment and would once again say "if you just lose some weight you will be fine." One infection the IV nurse found some cuts looking for a vein and had a psychiatrist come and evaluate me. He asked me the main question that had me stop cutting. "Why do you cut?" I couldn't answer it fully. I mean I felt numb isn't a grade A answer. To me it was an addiction. I couldn't sleep without doing it. Since I had no door to my room I waited until everyone was asleep and brought out my kit and did it in the dark. Some nights I fell asleep with the razor in my bed so would wake up with more cuts than I intended. My life wasn't going anywhere, I sucked at EVERYTHING I did. And the thing the doctors always wrote off I was fat. My Senior year wasn't how I planned it. While my friends were relaxing and enjoying the last year of high school, I was working my ass off to make up everything I would miss due to being in the hospital. I couldn't do it. I had a mental breakdown and just balled my eyes out to the head of the guidance department. I felt everyone was against me instead of with me. I had to double in math, my weakest subject and I just couldn't do it. I was so negative and short fused my Senior year. With everyone. I was jealous of everyone I went to school with because while I was home doing make-up work they were on the senior cruise. And while I was home because I couldn't afford it everyone else was at senior prom. I didn't even want a yearbook, but my Art teacher bought me one because I helped her out a lot that year and she felt every senior deserved to get one. I still have mixed feelings about my year book and looking through all my friends pictures on face-book, but everything happens for a reason.
After high school I decided to go to a 10 Month Accelerated program for Medical Assisting. There is where I gained my true friends, I gained confidence in myself, and I learned to achieve. It is also there I look back on everything I just told you and said "You are over 18, you can have the surgery and lose the weight and not have to listen to the doctors say it is because you are fat." And that is what I did. I was born July 8th 1992 BUT I was REBORN May 13th of 2013. I have lost 56 pounds+ and I feel amazing. I am so glad I went on this journey to change my life around. Anyways I think I have said enough for today I am going to write in my planner from now on to write a blog. Because I sadly keep forgetting. So anyways my loves Stay Beautiful. And I will blog tomorrow.
So I have been on the bigger side of the scale since I can remember, I didn't really have friends until about age 11. I always new I was bigger but it didn't bother me until about first grade. I will never forget the day. We were at lunch waiting in line when one of the girls in the line was picking one me like kids do. I just ignored her as best as I could until she started calling me a fat-so and other non-creative fat names. The other kids in line started laughing so I went to the lunch mother and reported her (the child) to the woman. Now as a lunch mother your job is to make sure during lunch the children feel safe, and happy and stay in line while eating and socializing. Well, she didn't yell at the girl but instead yelled at me saying the words that will forever be ingrained in the back of my head "So what, you are fat, and will probably always be fat you need to deal with it." THAT IS WHAT YOU TELL A SIX YEAR OLD!! DEAL WITH THE BULLYING!! And smile while the other kids are laughing at the remark you made. In all honesty after that all the fat jokes in the world did not hurt me as much as that did. I wanted to disappear, shrivel up inside and just be invisible. I didn't talk to anyone that lunchtime, or eat. How could you when the person watching you eat just called you fat. The other girl who was originally picking on me apologized before we went back to class and said that the lunch mother was mean. I laughed how could someone who was being mean to you call another person mean. As I grew up I learned to laugh at the fat jokes because clearly every weight loss plan under the sun was not working for me in some way. I would do great losing weight then plateau after about 20 or 30 pounds. Some weight loss plans I didn't even lose weight. I learned if I couldn't be "beautiful" on the outside I would have to be "beautiful" on the inside.
Middle school was probably about the worst three years of my life. My "friends" I had I later figured out weren't really my "friends" I was around for them to pick on. A mere scapegoat for their issues in life. I didn't care though because I was hanging with the crowd everyone wanted to hang with. So even though I was hurting I was happy. Eventually their "friendship" started wearing thin and I felt like I was losing them so as bad as it sounds I would steal money from my parents and pay for things for them. And again I started to be their "friend". Now most of you are probably like what is a few $5 here or there. It wasn't $5 or $6 at a time, but $20 or $40 or a few times even more. I didn't care about the trouble I got into at home. I had "friends" who I thought cared about me and respected me for who I was. I realized it wasn't the case on my 12th birthday. All my other birthdays people went to, they were places similar to Chuck E Cheese. My 12th birthday was going to be simple at home and have some cake, ice cream, pizza and dancing and a pinata. My friend who didn't show up because she was really sick, but came the next day with a present, made out all the invitations and handed them out to everyone. I had about 16 invitations made...not a single person showed up. A week or two after the party everyone asked if I can go hang out, I said no because I was still hurt, I didn't get a happy belated birthday NOTHING from the group I thought were my best friends. Mind you when it came to their birthday I would go out of my way to make sure they were happy with a nice present, and a card and sometimes even money in the card. I don't care if I got presents, they are nice but I didn't want that, I wanted a "hey I am so sorry I missed you're party, I hope it was good." or "happy belated birthday girl! hope you had a blast." SOMETHING, ANYTHING! But that wasn't the case. I asked them why did every single one of them missed my party and they all looked at each other as if to say what party. Then they all made up their excuses and said bye since I didn't want to go out. I played it off to everyone as though I didn't care but I don't think I fooled anyone.
I decided I wasn't going to continue high school with people that didn't care for me anyways so my mom and I started looking at other high schools. My mom found a nice vocational school for me to go to in a completely different town. We went to go see the high school and I was so happy with it. The day I got my acceptance letter from them was the happiest day ever. I went to the school and felt like I had a clean slate for new friends and a new life. My freshman year was grand, my grades were not the best but I was getting use to everything. It seemed in this school when the English teacher had us write an essay on why we came to that school everyone else was similar to me in that they were bullied at their old school, or they didn't have friends, or whatever the case was. I felt like if anyone would understand my pain of no friends it would be the students of this school. Unfortunately, I had to stay back a year sophomore year because my grades slipped from me getting involved in too much. So, I backed out of those things went to focus on school and my grandmother got sick and unfortunately passed away. I went into a huge depression. I felt I had lost what I felt was my only true friend. I didn't care about anything. School, friends, myself, nothing at all. The depression and weight gain increased and turned into a vicious cycle. I thought about suicide on a daily basis, sometimes even two or three times a day. I started to hate my shop teachers with a passion, I found no joy in going to school. The only little joy I had in the world was my music. I decided to switch shops, if I had to stay back again I WAS NOT doing it in the same shop as before. In my other shop I had a few friends who were a grade ahead and behind so I saw them in homeroom. I started feeling numb even listening to music, so I started cutting. Not because I wanted to die like everyone believes but because I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel the love my family gave me, or the pain of people who disliked me. NOTHING, I was hollow. I started to intentionally make my parents mad. I didn't care. I would do anything and everything to make them angry, I guess I wanted someone else to feel the way I felt. My third sophomore year I got a huge infection, no one to this day knows why it happened. Just the doctors wrote it off that I am fat and need to lose weight. The infections would come back almost every two or three weeks. I became even more depressed, I finally start doing amazingly well in school and now I have this sickness holding me back. My family and everyone was worried about my sickness, I was worried about school. I didn't give two shits if my leg would fall off I WAS NOT staying back a fourth time. My guidance counselor pulled A LOT of strings to make sure I was able to move forward, and I was. Junior and Senior year I still had the infections because no one would truly listen to me about everything that happened before my ailment and would once again say "if you just lose some weight you will be fine." One infection the IV nurse found some cuts looking for a vein and had a psychiatrist come and evaluate me. He asked me the main question that had me stop cutting. "Why do you cut?" I couldn't answer it fully. I mean I felt numb isn't a grade A answer. To me it was an addiction. I couldn't sleep without doing it. Since I had no door to my room I waited until everyone was asleep and brought out my kit and did it in the dark. Some nights I fell asleep with the razor in my bed so would wake up with more cuts than I intended. My life wasn't going anywhere, I sucked at EVERYTHING I did. And the thing the doctors always wrote off I was fat. My Senior year wasn't how I planned it. While my friends were relaxing and enjoying the last year of high school, I was working my ass off to make up everything I would miss due to being in the hospital. I couldn't do it. I had a mental breakdown and just balled my eyes out to the head of the guidance department. I felt everyone was against me instead of with me. I had to double in math, my weakest subject and I just couldn't do it. I was so negative and short fused my Senior year. With everyone. I was jealous of everyone I went to school with because while I was home doing make-up work they were on the senior cruise. And while I was home because I couldn't afford it everyone else was at senior prom. I didn't even want a yearbook, but my Art teacher bought me one because I helped her out a lot that year and she felt every senior deserved to get one. I still have mixed feelings about my year book and looking through all my friends pictures on face-book, but everything happens for a reason.
After high school I decided to go to a 10 Month Accelerated program for Medical Assisting. There is where I gained my true friends, I gained confidence in myself, and I learned to achieve. It is also there I look back on everything I just told you and said "You are over 18, you can have the surgery and lose the weight and not have to listen to the doctors say it is because you are fat." And that is what I did. I was born July 8th 1992 BUT I was REBORN May 13th of 2013. I have lost 56 pounds+ and I feel amazing. I am so glad I went on this journey to change my life around. Anyways I think I have said enough for today I am going to write in my planner from now on to write a blog. Because I sadly keep forgetting. So anyways my loves Stay Beautiful. And I will blog tomorrow.
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