I went to a Sober Fest this week as I have told you all in the last blog...And I must say, I never thought in my life I would be so mind blown at everything that is in my mind about life. I really thought I was ok and that all my problems were fixed, but they were just beginning and I just went and buried them. And they were things I should have talked to people about.
I have told people I have been clean from self harm for two years now. Which to a degree is the truth. I haven't exactly self harmed as in cutting or burning or attempting suicide. However, I have lived life VERY carelessly. Go a week or two without eating or drinking, walking dangerous areas, hanging with really horrible people, mixing drinks with doctor prescribed medications, the list goes on. And so I am not FULLY clean. But I am going to do so, especially after this past long weekend. I know I have come a long way from my miserable past
This past April a bunch of groups were trying to raise awareness for sexual assault and domestic violence. I would hear people make jokes about it, sometimes even laugh it off with them, but in the end I felt horrible, almost like garbage, because I was one of the people they were laughing about. Even while being in the medical field I still ignored everything. I wanted to act like that night didn't happen. I wrote about it as a blog post, but I didn't want to go further than I did.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
My Experience This Weekend
So folks I apologize for not posting...I am once again failing at my job, but for good reason I swear. This week I went to work at a fest.
The fest I worked at was called the Half Moon Sober Fest. And I will tell you all I HAD A BLAST! In all honesty I didn't think I would, but it was great. I didn't think I would come back home and realize with myself I have so much more to work on. I wasn't addicted to anything or drinking, but with self harm, it is a constant battle, especially when you get yourself stuck in a hole and feel you can't get out.
Anyways I made some friends. Got some hands-on experience with first aid, and had feel I am going to work on a few things.
In any case, I will be finishing my stupid 20 page paper this week and I am all yours except when I am out working to buy a car. Anyways, need to finish this paper, I feel it will be done soon, and I will post again later tonight. I have something I want to talk about.
Stay Beautiful Followers and if anyone says different kick them to the curb and walk away.
Love you!
The fest I worked at was called the Half Moon Sober Fest. And I will tell you all I HAD A BLAST! In all honesty I didn't think I would, but it was great. I didn't think I would come back home and realize with myself I have so much more to work on. I wasn't addicted to anything or drinking, but with self harm, it is a constant battle, especially when you get yourself stuck in a hole and feel you can't get out.
Anyways I made some friends. Got some hands-on experience with first aid, and had feel I am going to work on a few things.
In any case, I will be finishing my stupid 20 page paper this week and I am all yours except when I am out working to buy a car. Anyways, need to finish this paper, I feel it will be done soon, and I will post again later tonight. I have something I want to talk about.
Stay Beautiful Followers and if anyone says different kick them to the curb and walk away.
Love you!
Sunday, May 18, 2014
Shout Out Blog
Ok folks I didn't post last night because I was so dog tired after my weekend.
I would like to take the time however to help a fellow fan out with her prom she is co-hosting. The event is for all bariatric patients far and wide because we have all gone through the same struggle.
I would like to take the time however to help a fellow fan out with her prom she is co-hosting. The event is for all bariatric patients far and wide because we have all gone through the same struggle.
In order to buy tickets: http://bit.ly/SHKQk2 <<< Go To This Link!
Unfortunately I will not be attending but please please please go and have fun. Thank You!
Friday, May 16, 2014
I'M BAAAAACK!!!
HELLO EVERYONE! I am back. From a LOOOONG Hectic Hell-holish past few months. But it is summer now and I am back to write to my fellow followers. I missed you all so VERY, VERY, VERY dearly!
With that said, I shall sum up all the events that happened. First, I got a job...then lost it...Got great grades in school one semester...Then took more classes the semester after and got mediocre grades...Now I am filling out fafsa for the next semester and going to take it easy this summer. I have been working out A LOT, and going to continue.
I recently recieved some injuries to my left lower hip, thigh and back so I am ordered no gym time until my Physical Therapist clears me. Along with this injury, I have been on steroid therapy to stop the inflammation of the nerve endings. Now the pain isn't as bad as it use to be, but it is still present. So I am on crutches and out of commission for a few weeks.
Okay, now that you have briefly caught up with me, I am happy to say I am one year and three days out from my surgery and feel great. I am stuck in a stall right now, however I know that once I can start working out again, those pounds will drop instantly, so I can't wait.
I am sort of back on the dating scene, and by sort of, I mean I am looking for someone to love and be with, while all the men I seem to run into want one thing. I know eventually I will find someone who fits me well, but it does get frustrating, that time and time again all the guys want one thing. Its like, I was fat, you would never have given me the time of day. Now that I am smaller all you want from me is to lay down and then act like I don't exist. So instead, I will focus on me.
I am going to reach my goal weight this year, and I am going to make sure that I am happy with myself. I don't need anyone to make me feel good anymore. I need to complete myself and make myself feel good. I will say with this being said, there are so many areas on my body that I wish would disappear already. Like my arms, and ladies you will ALL understand this problem, but that weird lower belly pudge that no matter how many of anything you do, it will not go away. Like I am 100% sure if that pudge did not exist, I would be able to just be at my goal pant size. I can't complain too much right now, because I am at a 14/16 now. Yes people I went from a 24 to a 14/16.That my friends is exciting, in itself. I am hoping by my birthday to be a size 12, so I can just ask people for clothing gift cards. MAMA WILL NEED A NEW WARDROBE!!! But we shall see.
Image of my PERFECT Birthday: Me at Water Country, Wearing a nice swimsuit (I don't care if it is one piece or two), Have a few close friends, and gift cards from everyone! But as usual, reality sinks in...:-).
Anyways, once my physical therapist clears me to go back to the gym I am GOING HAM! I think I will bring my brother to get an I.D. and we will go together. A great way to bond. He will look good for football, I will look good in general. And we will be lean mean fighting machines. :-)
I am so happy that school is over and summer is about to commence. I love the summer so much, however I have realized in the Fall, I will be taking 6 courses. I know I can do it. One course I have to retake, but I have the homework done, so it is just a matter of turning it in and sitting through ALL the lectures...But the teachers lectures will be a great time to do other homework. It will essentially be an easy A. So, with that said, I think I will leave this be until tomorrow.
Again I have missed you all so very much. And this summer I am going to be learning to put myself on a schedule so through out the school year I will not be messing up and missing you all. In any case.
Love you all and remember, Stay Beautiful. BYE!
With that said, I shall sum up all the events that happened. First, I got a job...then lost it...Got great grades in school one semester...Then took more classes the semester after and got mediocre grades...Now I am filling out fafsa for the next semester and going to take it easy this summer. I have been working out A LOT, and going to continue.
I recently recieved some injuries to my left lower hip, thigh and back so I am ordered no gym time until my Physical Therapist clears me. Along with this injury, I have been on steroid therapy to stop the inflammation of the nerve endings. Now the pain isn't as bad as it use to be, but it is still present. So I am on crutches and out of commission for a few weeks.
Okay, now that you have briefly caught up with me, I am happy to say I am one year and three days out from my surgery and feel great. I am stuck in a stall right now, however I know that once I can start working out again, those pounds will drop instantly, so I can't wait.
I am sort of back on the dating scene, and by sort of, I mean I am looking for someone to love and be with, while all the men I seem to run into want one thing. I know eventually I will find someone who fits me well, but it does get frustrating, that time and time again all the guys want one thing. Its like, I was fat, you would never have given me the time of day. Now that I am smaller all you want from me is to lay down and then act like I don't exist. So instead, I will focus on me.
I am going to reach my goal weight this year, and I am going to make sure that I am happy with myself. I don't need anyone to make me feel good anymore. I need to complete myself and make myself feel good. I will say with this being said, there are so many areas on my body that I wish would disappear already. Like my arms, and ladies you will ALL understand this problem, but that weird lower belly pudge that no matter how many of anything you do, it will not go away. Like I am 100% sure if that pudge did not exist, I would be able to just be at my goal pant size. I can't complain too much right now, because I am at a 14/16 now. Yes people I went from a 24 to a 14/16.That my friends is exciting, in itself. I am hoping by my birthday to be a size 12, so I can just ask people for clothing gift cards. MAMA WILL NEED A NEW WARDROBE!!! But we shall see.
Image of my PERFECT Birthday: Me at Water Country, Wearing a nice swimsuit (I don't care if it is one piece or two), Have a few close friends, and gift cards from everyone! But as usual, reality sinks in...:-).
Anyways, once my physical therapist clears me to go back to the gym I am GOING HAM! I think I will bring my brother to get an I.D. and we will go together. A great way to bond. He will look good for football, I will look good in general. And we will be lean mean fighting machines. :-)
I am so happy that school is over and summer is about to commence. I love the summer so much, however I have realized in the Fall, I will be taking 6 courses. I know I can do it. One course I have to retake, but I have the homework done, so it is just a matter of turning it in and sitting through ALL the lectures...But the teachers lectures will be a great time to do other homework. It will essentially be an easy A. So, with that said, I think I will leave this be until tomorrow.
Again I have missed you all so very much. And this summer I am going to be learning to put myself on a schedule so through out the school year I will not be messing up and missing you all. In any case.
Love you all and remember, Stay Beautiful. BYE!
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